


Teams, Teasing, And The Appropriate Routines For TMI

by tielan



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Space, Alternate Universe - Stargate Atlantis Fusion, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Team, Teasing, Trope Bingo Amnesty, Trope Bingo Round 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-30 14:16:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3939940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tielan/pseuds/tielan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or: the perils of living elbow-by-jowl in Atlantis. (Other than avoiding being eaten by space vampires.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So it looks like Aaron Himelstein's launch technician from Cap2 got a name, after all. And I was all prepared to call him 'Aaron Himelstein' (like Chuck, the Atlantis gate tech, who got his name from his actor).
> 
> ~~There will probably be more of this; I have at least half of the next part done. Yes, everyone I know of in the MCU is somewhere in the fused universe, but there are limits to how much name dropping I can do in 1000 words. Also, they may not necessarily be where you envision them being, but this is my AU: if you want to read your own implementation of this AU go write it yourself. Also don't ask about the SG-Asgardians because I don't have an answer for you that will make any sense to anyone.~~
> 
> **eta** : Complete as at May 2015.
> 
> Once this is done, this is the last of the MCU AU freebies; you'll have to wait for the actual exchange for the rest.
> 
> Oh, and also for the Trope Bingo (now Amnesty) box "au: space".

Klein was in the control room when Steve and his team made it back to Atlantis, four hours late, grubby, tired, and in desperate need of a wash and a good nap. But alive.

“Colonel Rogers,” he began, “you’re back just in time – the _Fury’s_ due in-system within the hour. Dr. Potts said to clean up when you got back from Stark’s lab, and she’ll get the debrief from your team before _Fury_ lands.”

Steve ignored the general glow of amusement suddenly radiating from behind him, as well as the sudden warmth in his chest. Instead, he focused on the more concerning news “Should we ask what Stark’s done now?”

“Uh,” Klein glanced at the rest of the control room techs sitting behind him, and lowered his voice. “I think it’s to do with JARVIS, sir. Something about appropriate routines for not revealing classified information?”

“Right.” Not for the first time, Steve cursed Stark’s meddling with the city. While JARVIS was Stark’s creation, once he’d been ‘installed’ in the city upon their return from the Milky Way, he’d developed a lot of new layers of functionality and – rather more worrying – personality. Any concerns expressed had been dismissed by Stark, umm-ed over by Banner, and ahh-ed over by Selvig.

On the other hand, Darcy Lewis thought JARVIS was the best ever, mostly because he’d started helping her sort and organise the extraterrestrial anthropology archives they’d brought over from Stargate Command, which were – in her words –“ _a hot steaming mess of random, covered in crazysauce, and topped with the cherry of organisational disorganisation._ ”

Steve didn’t mind the AI. It felt a little bit like talking to Atlantis, although JARVIS assured him this was not the case and that he was quite distinct from the sense of the city. Certainly, JARVIS was unable to control or fly the city the way Steve could, and did. The functions specific to the Ancient gene couldn’t be mimicked, even by an AI whose origins, Steve suspected, were not actually from Earth.

He really did have to get around to having that conversation with JARVIS. Later. After a wash.

As his team started to edge for the doors, Steve suddenly realised how much of a mess he was right now. Not the way he wanted to see Maria—Commander Hill—again.

He smiled briefly at the control room tech. “Thanks, Klein.”

“No problem,sir.”

Then he waited until his team was in an empty corridor before telling them, “Stop grinning.”

“We’re not grinning,” Natasha told him, without even a hint of laughter in her voice. Then it softened. “At least, we're not grinning on the outside.”

“ _I_ am,” Sam said unabashed. “Don’t mind if I do, either.”

“Your pleasure in Commander Hill’s presence is palpable,” Thor told Steve. “But I do not think it is obvious to many.”

“Are you kidding? Worst kept secret in the city. After Stark’s distillery, of course.”

“I thought the worst kept secret was Stark’s crush on Dr. Potts,” Natasha said.

“That’s not a secret and never has been.”

“Stark isn’t exactly one for keeping secrets.” Steve glanced up at the ceiling. “You don’t have to tell Stark I said that, JARVIS.”

“So noted, Colonel Rogers.”

“Also noted,” Sam said, “you’re trying to change the topic, Captain Obvious of the Good Ship I-Have-A-Crush-On-Commander-Hill.”

Natasha coughed. Then cleared her throat loudly as Thor mused, “As I understand your idiom, if Steve is the Captain, should we inquire as to the name of the First Mate?”

“Tony Stark,” was Sam’s answer, unrepentant. “He likes it when the girls give the orders.”

“I’m not even going to ask how you know that,” Steve remarked as they stepped into the transporter.

“I didn’t get the nickname ‘Falcon’ because I was just a pretty face, you know,” Sam shrugged as Steve reached out and tapped the destination map. “Besides, he always wrangles his way into the greeting party when Hill comes to visit, and he has crushes on Dr. Potts, Dr. Hansen, and Dr. Foster.”

Thor straightened. “Stark likes Dr. Foster?”

Natasha’s eyes flicked to Steve, and she mouthed ‘oops’. Dr. Jane Foster had been the one to first meet the Pegasus locals during their first foray into the Pegasus galaxy. She’d literally bumped into Thor, who’d been lost, half out of his mind with exhaustion and injury.

Steve didn’t believe in love at first sight; however, he figured Thor and Dr. Foster were giving it a damn good go.

“Hey, I said _crush_ ,” Sam emphasised as they walked out of the transporter and headed for the Quartermaster. “Which is not the thing Romanoff has going with Barton, which is a full-blown case of For God’s Sake Get Your Own Fucking Room Instead of Using the Broom Closet.”

And that was news to Steve.

Natasha gave him the side eye. “You’re full of shit.”

“Maybe I am.” The grin was satisfied and wicked. “But I’m also right.”

“Barton?” Thor frowned. “Captain Clint Barton, of _The Fury_?”

“Also formerly of the SGC - notably during the Russian-American integration program after the Battle of Antarctica.” Sam held up his hands in defence against Natasha’s glare – as though there was anything that could defend against that. “I’m telling it how it is!”

Steve reviewed what he knew of Barton in his head with new eyes. “Wasn’t he one of the ones who got...” He swallowed the word ‘ _snaked_ ’ and substituted, “…a Goa’uld in the head a few years back? During the SGC takeover attempt?”

A snort from Sam, “Which takeover attempt? There’s been a few.”

“I thought he had a girlfriend,” Steve said, unthinking.

“They were separated before he got snaked,” Natasha said briskly. “And yes, Captain Barton and I are fucking when we’re both off-duty. We also watch the Tolkien trilogies, target practise Stark and Banner’s golf-balls when they’re driving off the northern galleries, and read the best passages of Hank Green and Rainbow Rowell out loud to each other. Which is mostly the entire books, chapter by chapter. In case anyone is wondering.”

So saying, she walked through the door into the Quartermaster’s office.

“I believe that is what your people call TMI,” said Thor.


	2. Chapter 2

Steve gestured Pepper out the door ahead of him as they left the conference room, and caught up with her in the hallway. “So, is there anything planned for _Fury’s_ crew apart from the X303 training exercises against the ‘jumpers?”

“Nothing that I’ve got in the schedule,” Pepper said with a faint smile. “Although that might be because I haven’t been invited.”

Steve grimaced. “Yeah, about last time…”

“I wouldn’t have wanted an invite anyway,” she told him. “Although, if I recall, the issue for Commander Hill was more that Corporal Harris wasn’t fit for his rostered duty the next day due to indigestion. I trust there won’t be a repeat this time?”

“No, ma’am.” Steve had warned the military personnel. “The bets will be kept to sporting displays.”

“Better. But we can see if there’s some extra in the mess for a slightly nicer dinner tomorrow night or the night after if you like. I’ll ask Staff Sergeant Miller.” Pepper checked at the start of the walkway to her office as she spotted the man sitting in the visitor’s chair of her office and muttered, “Oh, damn.” Then she strode into the room. “Dr. Stark. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Steve leaned his shoulder against the door, frowning at the way Stark’s eyes lingered on Pepper as she walked around his outstretched legs to her desk.

“Well, I was hoping that my presence was pleasure enough.”

“That’s fairly ambitious.”

“How about the news that I’ve worked out the problem with the hyperdrives that was plaguing us when we had to make the evacuation from Old Lantea six months ago?”

“You fixed the hyperdrives?”

“ _You_ worked out the problem?” Steve questioned, emphasising the singular.

Stark gave a little twitch of the shoulder that suggested the omission of his team was a small and irrelevant detail in the big picture of a city that could once again fly. “We know what the problem is and how to fix it.”

“But we don’t have the materials.” Pepper sat back in her chair, her expression rueful. “The usual issue, then.”

“Not yet. But if we could get hold of one of the Ancient warships, and get Mr. Antiquated over here to fly it in for us…”

It was a neverending source of frustration for Stark that the larger devices – most particularly the city and the warships – only responded to the naturally-expressed Ancient gene. With the gene-therapy, Stark could fly a puddlejumper – quite well, as a matter of fact – but not the largest warships. He expressed his dissatisfaction with this state of affairs by giving Steve any possible nickname he could think up that implied age or infirmity.

“The problem being actually _finding_ an Ancient warship in working order,” Steve noted. “The Ancients didn’t exactly leave working warships lying around.”

“But if we _did_ —” Stark began, then paused as Klein poked his head in the door.

“Uh, excuse me. Dr. Potts, you asked to be notified when _Fury_ hit atmo? They’re on their way. Touchdown in fifteen minutes.”

Steve glanced over at Pepper, who smiled.

“Yes, Colonel. A greeting party is warranted.”

“Kissy faces aren’t,” Stark commented. “Unless she’s making them back, which: Hill, so no kissy faces.”

“Stark!”

“Tony!” Pepper rolled her eyes. “That’s completely inappropriate.”

“But true.”

Steve left Pepper to argue that tactfulness was not the same as lying, and jogged out towards the north-eastern pier. Halfway there, Natasha fell into step alongside him without a word.

He let the silence sit for two corridors and six galleries before he asked, “ _The Hobbit_?”

“And _Lord of the Rings_.” Natasha glanced sidewise and shrugged. “He hates the elf archer. I like him. It’s…entertaining.”

Personally, Steve thought it sounded like a recipe for conflict, but he supposed that different people wanted different things out of their relationships.

Still, he made a note to take a closer look at Barton while the _Fury_ was in Atlantis. And to ask Maria about her opinion of the Captain of the X-303 wings. He knew the man’s service record, but that meant nothing if the guy was involved with Natasha, and Maria would give him a more personal review.

“You really need to ask her out,” Natasha commented. “It’s written all over your face.’

“And where would I ask her out _to_? The mess hall, with everyone looking on? The rec rooms where anyone can walk in? Another planet where we could get attacked by the Wraith – to say nothing of walking through the gateroom first?”

“I was thinking your quarters would be a start.” Natasha shrugged. “It doesn’t leave much room for doubt about your intentions.”

Steve watched as the _Fury_ hovered over the pier, reverse thrusters glowing as the pilot brought her gently down, down, down. “I thought women liked a little romance.”

“Some do. Some prefer the direct approach. Either way, don’t generalise about women. But _do_ do something.”

“What if it’s the wrong thing?”

Natasha sighed, exasperated. “Steve, if a woman is interested, there aren’t many ‘wrong things’ you can do as long as you’re respecting what she wants. Play it by ear.”

 _Is that what Barton did with you_? Steve nearly asked the question, but figured that he was neither entitled to ask, nor to know. And the _Fury_ was hovering over the pier, careful and steady, in spite of the crosswind off the sea which could play havoc with conventional Earth aircraft—

The city didn’t even rock as the spaceship settled on the pier, the under-city stabilisers taking up the extra however-many-thousands of tonnes of weight.

“And they’re down.” Natasha pushed off the window and started for the door, then turned back as Steve called her name.

“ _Really_ the worst-kept secret in the city?”

Her smile was a small and infuriating curve . “Well, worst-kept secret among the gate teams, maybe.”

That wasn’t much better.

The ramp was just opening as they reached the door, and as they walked out into the crisp evening breeze and paused to wait at the start of the pier as a uniformed trio made their way over to them, trailed by assorted personnel already starting to move the supply crates out into the zone where they’d be picked up by ‘jumper and moved in to the city.

Steve noted the slight limp of the lead figure, and the way the dark man standing at her shoulder leaned in to murmur something that earned him a sharp look. He noted Barton glance up over the city spires, a swift appraisal, before he looked back. And although there were sunglasses shading his gaze, Steve guessed his gaze was resting on Natasha.

He finally let himself look directly at Maria, and told himself not to grin like an idiot when she met his gaze and smiled, brief and composed.

“Commander Hill,” he said, “Major Triplett, Captain Barton – welcome back to Atlantis.”

“Thank you, Colonel. It’s good to be back.” She lifted her face and inhaled deeply. “And to breathe fresh air again.”

Steve grinned. “Long trip?”

“Made longer so the bitty baby birdies could get their wings stretched,” Triplett commented with a sly look in Barton’s direction.

“Say that when our X303s are giving Atlantis a run for their money and yours.”

There was no way Steve was going to let that sit. “You mean when you and your baby birds get your butts kicked by Atlantis?”

Maria sighed and started in towards the city. “Okay, guys, if you’re going to whip ‘em out and measure up, Specialist Romanoff and I will go inside and leave you to it.”

Natasha coughed. Barton snorted. And Triplett’s teeth flashed bright in his face.

Steve fell into step alongside her. “Are we that bad, Commander?”

The sidewise look she gave him was somewhere between amused and resigned. “After a week in space, with nothing but the X303s talking about their moves, yes, you’re that bad. Anything new in the city?”

Steve figured it was best to be brisk, especially since a wisp of hair had escaped her ponytail in the wind, and he was fighting the urge to reach out and tuck it behind her ear.

“Apparently JARVIS needs a few routines worked out – tact, subtlety, classification.”

“And Stark’s doing the programming? Good luck with that.”

“With advice from Dr. Potts. Who was last seen in her office arguing with Stark when I came out. She’s looking forward to seeing you.”

“It’ll be good to see her, too.”

Steve felt a sudden pang of jealousy towards Pepper. Maria was eager to see Pepper, while he was just something that came with the city. Irrational, yes, but still felt. And he was man enough to recognise the stupidity of it, and to huff with laughter at his own reaction.

“That’s amusing, Colonel?”

“No, I had a thought—It’s nothing. Never mind.” He ignored the lift of her eyebrows. “Your off-duty crew have full access to the recreational facilities, of course, and all crew will have access to the city amenities, including the hot showers.”

Triplett coughed at Barton’s muttered, ‘ _woohoo_ ’. “Might make a good reward for the junior officers, Commander?”

She grinned at her 2IC and explained, “Some of the junior officers – maiden voyagers – required reminding that running hot water is a privilege in space.” The doors slid back to allow them to enter the city. “We had to set a timer on some of the taps. Hello, JARVIS.”

“Welcome back to Atlantis, Commander.”

“I hear you’re undergoing some new programming?”

“Tact, diplomacy, and how to keep secrets. Or, perhaps more correctly, exactly _which_ secrets to keep. Dr. Potts has been most helpful in dictating the terms to Sir.”

“So, no voyeuring on the men’s locker rooms anymore?” Maria asked, deadpan.

“That’s a ‘no’, Commander.”

“Pity,” she said. Then smirked at Steve’s expression. “Relax, Colonel. It’s a joke.”

He’d been thinking of asking if she liked the view. Except that Natasha was smirking at him, and both Triplett and Barton had expressions on their faces that suggested they knew exactly what was going through his head, and he was starting to wonder if his interest in her was the worst-kept secret not just in Atlantis, but in the entire Stargate program.

Natasha was giving him the double-eyebrow. Maria was giving him a single. “Never mind,” Steve said. “Not important now.”

There was the noisy clatter of feet on the stairs, and Stark sauntered down into the corridor. “Maria!”

“ _Behold, here’s poison._ ”

“You wound me, Maria,” Stark said, slapping one hand to his chest. “You know, every time I say your name, I feel like there should be singing.”

“JARVIS, don’t even _think_ about it,” Steve ordered.

“Not thinking about it,” said the AI promptly, even as Natasha and Barton laughed.

“Thank you, JARVIS. Thank you, Colonel.”

“Spoilsports. Both of you.”

Steve grinned at Maria. “I do my best.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Stark grumbled. “So how long will you and your cohort be here, Commander?”

“Long enough to offload a hold full of supplies, give the X303s a chance to practise dogfighting, get a status report on the situation with Loki and the Wraith, and maybe play a few games of Arimaa against JARVIS.”

“It would be a pleasure, Commander.”

Steve caught Triplett shaking his head. “Major?”

“Don’t think I’ll ever quite get over an AI expressing pleasure. Maybe it’s just that I’m not used to the Ancient devices, but it doesn’t sit quite right.”

“You’ll get used to it,” Stark told him. “Everyone does. Eventually.”

While the look Triplett gave Stark was polite enough, there was skepticism behind it.

“The city has a mind and sense of her own,” Maria advised her 2IC with a faint smile. “As I’m sure Colonel Rogers and the other gene-carriers would tell you. And I always feel like Atlantis is glad to see me when I visit.”

“That would be because Colonel Rogers is always glad to see you, Commander,” said JARVIS. “The city takes its cue from him.”

Barton made a wheezing noise, and started choking, like he’d just inhaled the wrong way. Triplett’s shoulders shook with sudden silenced laughter. Natasha bit her lip in an attempt to control her smile.

And Maria turned to look at Steve with an expression somewhere between stunned and understanding, a scarlet flush invading her cheeks and throat to match the tidal wave of embarrassment sweeping over Steve’s neck and shoulders.

Worst-kept secret _ever_.

Stark, meanwhile, patted the nearest wall. “Good boy, JARVIS.”


End file.
